i really need to stop visiting that subreddit. it’s sending me into tailspins over and over. it’s filled with the two main themes of my life right now, regret and hope, in a way that is so visceral and so real that my imagination is getting out of control.
is this really the path i am choosing to walk?
dear blog, i owe you some posts. i’m working on it. i need to finish my munich stuff and then there are a few other things i am working on too. it’s coming.
it’s all in progress, i’m just not feeling the energy. i guess 4 days drinking in prague, 3 days drinking in munich and then getting some kind of cold on the way home will do that.
oh my…. after a long drive from prague to munich we wasted no time getting our lederhosen on and getting to the theresienwiese. with some truly incredible luck we scored a table at HB. a shit table, but a table none the less.
the consumption which ensued was something else. details are hazy, but I know I was a busy boy drunk texting a (a bit mortified this morning), becoming friends with r and d, getting compliments on my trachten from at least 3 strangers, I also befriended some shady dudes, and helped a very drunk girl back to her hotel.
somewhere along the way we also lost d. A German dude had his phone and brought it to us at the hotel. We assumed he was with d, but no, it was just the phone. D finally showed up at 630 this morning. I guess we’ll find out his story later today.
I need to now find water. Lots of water.
rainy day, everyone is low energy so we cancelled our tour and decided to just relax in and around the apartment.
lots of napping and tv, punctuated by beer.
walking tour of the castle and castle grounds today. although very impressive and interesting, I’ve already done this tour a couple times and the fatigue from the day before is really affecting the other guys.
still did about 15k steps of touring with a guide but just after lunch we called it quits, had a few beers and something to eat and then headed back to the apartment to meet up with a (prague a)
the late afternoon was spent in a lovely beer garden where I got seriously lost in my own head for a bit. there was a couple at the table next to us that captivated me. the way she smiled at him, the way he gently touched her hand, the way they laughed together… argh. i couldn’t help but stare and be envious. thankfully they were so focused on each other that the whole world could be staring and they would never have even noticed.
finally when it was time to leave the beer garden we headed out to dinner at a steak house I had been to before. It was just as good as I remembered. Everyone I think thoroughly enjoyed themselves.
as a nightcap we finally relented and brought j to a gentleman’s club. despite my AMPLE warnings about what they are like and what to expect, he still got upset and angry about it. It’s too expensive, they’re too pushy, it’s all fake…
no shit dude. It’s a tourist trap strip club. I fucking told you exactly what would happen, how much it would cost and what to expect the whole time you’re there, and when EXACTLY that happens you get pissy about it? Hahaha gimme a break.
e also couldn’t handle it and faked a work emergency as soon as we got there.
oh well.
on a more positive note, plans to visit a are coming together. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I don’t want to say much about it and jinx everything though. I’m excited.
so much… stick to the highlights, steve.
wonderful tour that a took us on. 20k steps around prague. visited a variety of spots, most notable, at least for me, were the anthropoid church and u fleku.
evening was something. j spilled his guts to us. i’m not going to air his dirty laundry, but suffice it to say, he and i have some things in common. i shared some of my secrets in return. i’m not sure how i feel about that this morning. if nothing else, i know m sees me differently now and j pities me. both not things i want. e, despite clearly having something to say, chose not to. i worry that what was said will find its way back to ears it was never intended for. nothing to be done about it now i suppose.
night time was hilariously frustrating. j would not shut up about bringing us all to a gentleman’s club, which i warned him repeatedly were NOT like those back home. yet he insisted relentlessly. we walked around prague 1 for a few hours, walking past several and j repeatedly got cold feet only to announce he ‘knew of a better place’ and then started following google maps in the most drunkenly way possible once more.
in the end, there was shawarma. which was probably for the best 🙂
note: currently struggling with internet access so this post may be incomplete or just fucking broken until i get this sorted.
it has begun! getting to the airport was… interesting. taxi driver was one hell of a mad lad. speeding, jumping lanes, weaving in and out of traffic, you name the traffic violation, he did it. the cab was also an olfactory violation. i guess on the plus side, i got there in record time!
passed the time chatting with a (thank you!) and then finally when j and m showed up we sailed through security and then hit up the pub for a pleasant afternoon of food and drink. e showed up fashionably late, as is his nature, and then it was 10 hours of maximum discomfort, crammed into a giant metal tube, screaming through the skies. no sleep for me.
arriving in prague could not have gone any better. private transport from the airport, driver had beers waiting for us in the immaculately clean van which whisked us to the apartment we’ll be calling home for the next few days.
the view from the apartment is great!
beers, beers, plum brandy, beers and then more beers.
seeing a (prague a, not the other a) again is great. even though i see him on video conference every day at work, it’s not the same.
we went out for one of his friend’s birthday celebration, not what i was expecting for sure… it was a bunch of people he knew from a long time ago, many of which were quite elderly actually. but it was good anyways! italian restaurant with ridiculous portion sizes.
after eating waaaay too much and drinking another several beers, it was finally bed after i don’t even know how many consecutive hours of no sleep.
it’s amazing how music can affect your mood in both the most somber and also the most elating ways.
i had forgotten about rubblebucket for so, so long but this video popped up on my youtube feed yesterday morning and has been on repeat ever since.
feels good man.
in 2 days i’m leaving. i’m beyond excited, but trying to contain myself. i can’t even remember the last time i did something like this for just me. i’ve been fortunate enough to travel quite a bit in recent years, but it’s always been for work, or with family. although i am not *alone* on this trip, i am going with a bunch of friends and as such i don’t have to worry about taking care of anyone, or watching what i say or what i do, i can be me. well 99% me. there is always going to be that 1% i have to hold back because reasons. but that’s way better than the 50-100% i have to hold back in other scenarios.
i know j is losing his fucking mind. in a lot of ways, i think we’re going through very similar things right now, but because of the intertwined nature of our lives, we don’t talk about it. which sucks. i wish i could talk to my best friend about everything. anyhow, i know he’s super fucking excited about this trip and he needs it as much as i do.
m is excited, but i think he’s nervous. he has not travelled much at all. in fact, this will be the first time he leaves north america. i am so delighted that he has joined my circle of friends and i am so happy to be the instigator of this experience for him.
e is being his usual self. no excitement, no organization, no nothing. if i didn’t know better, i would assume he doesn’t want to even go. but i do know better, i know him. he doesn’t want to let himself be happy about this until he’s in the moment itself. he’s always been that way. i am really glad he’s joining us.
last night i had a really good talk with a as well. i learned new and important things. things i can’t really do anything about directly, but maybe indirectly i can make some kind of impact on. at least i hope so, because it’s important. also, the plan to achieve a shared goal was started. and i am fucking pumped.
hey there old friend, where ya been? i thought you had finally abandoned me, but i guess you were just taking a break? you know, i didn’t invite you over. there isn’t an open door policy here. you’re not welcome in my life. i was actually starting to enjoy things again, and then tonight you just show up and ruin it? what gives?
it’s late, i have to work tomorrow. what are you still doing here? you’ve overstayed your welcome. go pester someone else.
who am i kidding? you’re never going to leave me, are you? you’ll always come back just when i least expect it, unannounced and for no good reason. what is it you want this time? you want to tell me about how selfish i am? oh, that’s a fun game. or wait, no, you want to seed my head with doubts about every single interpersonal relationship i currently, or have ever had? fuck yeah! good times. or is it something else tonight? maybe you want to tell me stories about how i am just not good enough, not smart enough, not clever or caring enough? you know, that’s a super interesting topic to discuss too. i can’t wait to explore every detail of that with you.
