it was always about control, wasn’t it? i think that’s the way you are broken most of all. you need that control all the time. not in a way that’s like “i need to feel happy, i need to feel safe” but in a much darker and more destructive way. you need to have control, it is involuntary and you will sabotage and destroy everything around you in order to ensure you, and only you, can dictate the terms of engagement. and you don’t even realize it. do you?
you were never going to choose me. this distance, this obstacle, this impossible to resolve situation, it’s perfect for you, isn’t it? you have a barrier, a control mechanism. you can hide behind it and retreat whenever you want, whenever it gets too real. you were only ever going to peek around the edges, never crossing the line. i see that now… and it makes me sad.
the fact that this is how the story ends is tragic. i don’t want to accept it, but i think i have to. the alternative is to chase after you and surrender everything to you once more. the problem is, i’m worth more than that. i deserve more than that. i need more than that. and you’ve made it abundantly clear, you will not be providing me with any of that.
so, i am truly sorry,, but this is it. the end of the road. terminus, tout le monde debarque.
goodbye a.