i can’t keep doing this to myself. waiting. hoping to be chosen. that’s all i’ve ever wanted. to be chosen. to actually be important. to not be given up on. to be valued.
i lie awake at night waiting for it. i check my phone every few minutes just in case you send me something and then delete it again before i have the chance to see it.
it’s been a little over two weeks now that i wake up in the middle of every night in a panic state, hoping that i see your name flash on my screen… but it never comes… and so i re-read the fragments of what is left of our friendship until my eyes are burning and exhaustion takes over. i suppose it’s like some form of self torture or punishment.
so by tomorrow, i am going to delete everything. i can’t keep doing this. you’re not going to choose me, you never were. i need to accept that.