everything feels like it is just slipping away. like when you pick up a fist full of beach sand and you squeeze it as tight as you can, but it still just pours out of your hand, leaving you with the few grains of sand that stick to your sweaty palms and abrade your skin… reminding you of what you once held.
i hate it. honestly, i feel like i am losing sight of my destination at this point. i feel lost, and i don’t know where home is. i’m not ok, but i don’t know what to do about it. i feel like i have lost any real connections i once had, and trying to make new ones feels impossible for some reason.
i don’t want to do this alone. i want someone in my corner. i swear i will make it worth their while. i have so much to fucking give… i don’t care how imbalanced it is as long as you have my back when i need you. i don’t care how much i have to suffer so long as i know i have someone to come home to who will make me feel safe.
i’m lost in the desert, there is sand all around me that i can pick up, but it feels like i can’t hold any of it for any length of time before it too slips away.
what’s the point? i feel like giving up.