it’s funny how your brain decides to rewire itself and change the narrative once you’ve passed specific milestones or turning points. the things which you knew to your core suddenly become less firm… and other things which you were aware of, but chose to disregard due to their irrelevance, somehow become key.
is it a coping mechanism to help you deal with grief, with trauma, with disappointment, with shame, with embarrassment? the facts have not changed, the events which transpired have not changed, the feelings felt and the emotions expressed never changed either… but the perception of all of these things shift to better allow you to accept whatever mistakes or missteps were taken and to allow you to move forward.
“hindsight is 20/20” they say. odd curse that one is. you only see your mistakes after you have made them. sometimes you may be able to work through it, sometimes you can correct things, but sometimes… sometimes mistakes end things. and when that happens, you start recognizing the other mistakes which led to that final blow. it’s never just one thing. there’s always more, a series of missteps which you ignored and which led you to that final coup de grace.
so… what have we learned today, class?
i think i have underestimated both the definition, scope and breadth of compatibility as well as the importance. i was so laser focused on certain elements that i failed to consider the other aspects. and those other aspects… in hindsight… are more important than i could ever have imagined.
i’m worried, because i have a taste of something nice right now, and i am desperately trying to apply my learned lessons. i don’t want to make the same mistakes again.
what am i missing? what am i disregarding as irrelevant this time?