there’s a spa in tremblant that i’ve been to a few times that has a giant hot pool, as in hot tub temperatures, but big enough to have like 50 people in it. at one end there is a waterfall that you can sit under, which is my favorite spot.
all you hear is the sound of thousands of liters of water pouring over you. all you feel is the relentless pummeling and weight of it on your head and shoulders. you can’t see anything and the heat is intensely comforting. even breathing is a challenge under that waterfall. you have to concentrate, you need to keep your head down allowing the back of your head to kind of shield your mouth and nose, you need to inhale slowly to avoid aspirating water. hardly anyone else ever sits there, or if they do, they don’t immerse themselves completely and just let the water pour over their back. it is isolated even if there are people all around. the whole experience is a momentary escape from everything, you have one job, breathe. everything else becomes irrelevant for a few precious moments.
i’m feeling things that i haven’t felt in the longest time. so long in fact that it’s as if i am feeling them for the first time again. any lessons i may have learned over the years have all but evaporated at this point, so mistakes are bound to happen. and mistakes i have made.
not a word i said was a lie, but my brain and my heart apparently don’t always see eye to eye. we each have roles to play, and i think i let my heart go off script a little too far. much like in any performance, when one side goes too far, it puts the other side in an unfair position. they maybe have been presenting their lines to perfection, and yet now their partner has deviated from the plan. they must either adapt for the sake of the show, and who knows what the result may be? or stick to their lines and potentially sour everything.
neither option is appealing.
i wish i could sit under that waterfall right now, just for a few minutes.