Category: ♫

hi ren

i don’t hear voices. i’m a functional and productive member of society. i am well respected in my industry. i am a mentor to many. i have a family that is thriving. i create things. i have no debt. i am successful. by all measures, i am a fully functional, well adjusted human. at least from the outside.

but fuck me does this ever resonate with me to my core. i listened to this when he released it a year or two ago and really liked it, but didn’t really process it. but now here i am, saturday morning, getting ready for my weekly costco run, listening to this again and every hair on my body is standing on end, my stomach is turning, my heart is pounding… and who the fuck is cutting onions at this hour? jesus christ.

thank you ren. i hope you’re doing ok. i’m working on being ok myself, i’ll get there eventually.

exploring

when was the last time i wrote a whole song? it’s been a while. actually, the last time i really remember writing a whole song, not just little riffs was when i still had my explorer and lived on greene av in that awful apartment where everything went wrong. that’s when my explorer was stolen, along with the bag that had all my notes. damn, that was a long time ago.

i miss that guitar. i should buy another one. or maybe build one. actually that’s not a terrible idea. almost symbolic? ok lets do it.

maybe i’ll document the build here when i get the kit. will very likely need to order a ton of other stuff, i’m sure the tuners, pickups and pots will be the hottest of hot garbage. we’ll seeeeee!

i’m working on something now, Asus2 with a G# diddly thing to Emaj… and then to… something. haven’t figured it out yet. i have the progression in my head, i just can’t quite place it yet. lyrics.. oh man, i have a few ideas, just need to decide on what fits best once i have the rest sorted.

so tired

i’ve been getting these bouts of insomnia that just fuck everything up. last night i couldn’t sleep at all. eugh… felt like i had just smoked a whole pack of cigs at once, stomach turning, heart racing, cold, hot, and constantly needing to stretch and yawn. gross.

i gave up at about midnight and just plopped my ass down in front of the screen again. minutes turned into hours and then my alarm went off signaling the start of a new work day. great. a quick shower, 2 redbulls, and then to the office i went. looked and felt like shit. still do.

i guess on the plus side, i discovered a youtube channel i kinda like.

gentlemen of culture, i present to you night city

for real though, there is something about synthwave music that just feels so nice. especially when you just want to zone the fuck out.

i wonder if tonight i will crash hard or get a second wind? i’m hoping for the former.