the house is quiet tonight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
not the peaceful kind of quiet,
where everything is exactly where it belongs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the other kind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the kind where the refrigerator hum
sounds like a distant highway,
and every room feels a little larger
than it did when the day began.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ii sit here,
surrounded by evidence of a life
that somehow survived itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
photographs.
projects.
half-finished plans.
a future i once thought was impossible,
and another future i was certain would happen
but didn’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the strange thing is,
if you had asked me two years ago
whether i could endure all of this,
i would have said no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
absolutely not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
yet here i am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
still making coffee in the morning.
still paying the bills.
still worrying about my kids.
still fixing broken things.
still finding songs that make me pull the car over
just to listen one more time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
still here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
sometimes I think life changes
like a car skidding on black ice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
you don’t steer toward where you’re going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
you stare in disbelief
at where you’ve already ended up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
a different house.
different dreams.
different fears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
different love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and somehow,
the road continues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
tonight,
certainty feels very far away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the future feels blurry.
the heart feels brave one minute
and terrified the next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i look at the empty chair across the room
and wonder how many versions of myself
have sat exactly where i am now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the father.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the musician.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the man who wanted to leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the man who was afraid to leave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the man who hoped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the man who lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the man who found something new.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
all of them still living somewhere inside me,
arguing quietly in the dark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
but beneath all that noise,
there is something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
something older.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
a voice that says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
look at everything you’ve survived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
look at the fires.
look at the heartbreak.
look at the impossible conversations.
look at the nights you thought
you had ruined everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
you are still here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
not untouched.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
not certain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
not finished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
but here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and maybe that’s enough for tonight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
maybe tonight doesn’t require answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
maybe tonight only asks that I sit
with this strange, unfinished life,
listen to the quiet,
and trust that tomorrow
will reveal itself
the same way every other tomorrow has.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
one ordinary sunrise at a time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
the house is quiet tonight. not the peaceful kind of quiet,where everything is exactly where it belongs. the other kind. the kind where the refrigerator humsounds like a distant highway,and every room feels a little largerthan it did when the day began. Ii sit here,surrounded by evidence of a lifethat somehow survived itself. photographs.projects.half-finished plans.a … Continue reading the house is quiet tonight<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-918","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sad","category-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/918","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=918"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/918\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":920,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/918\/revisions\/920"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}