you’re so selfish. a peculiar kind of selfish wrapped in the most beautiful of selfless wrappers. you’ve perfected your craft into art almost, it is enchanting, it is admirable, it is pitiable, it inspires awe. with great intention, it transforms your worldly appearance into a form so wildly different than your truth that no one would ever believe it. not even yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
but still, for a moment, i saw you. the real you. granted, it was only a glimpse, you wouldn’t ever let me actually see the whole you, but none the less, i saw you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and the you i saw didn’t scare me. you didn’t worry me. you didn’t upset me or sadden me or make me feel anything but love for you. and yet, even though it was the only thing i wanted, the only thing i needed from you, you couldn’t allow that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
i tried to tell you in my own way. i’m not infallible in this, i could have done so much better, but i used the tools and judgement i had at my disposal. i know it wasn’t enough to make you understand. i know i wasn’t enough to make you want to change even if you did understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
this was always supposed to be a fantasy for you, wasn’t it? this was never supposed to bleed into the real world. fantasy is safe, fantasy has no accountability, fantasy has no compromise. fantasy has no real vulnerability. but… i can never find happiness in the fantasy. of all places, you know that is the one place i cannot live. you know how my mind works, you know the games i play with my own thoughts, you learned about limerence from me, remember? forcing this to exist in the make believe kept me broken, confused, scared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
for you, the fantasy was safe, and reality was not. for me, the opposite is true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
you should have listened to me from the start. i was not the one for you, i never was. too many red flags. too many complications. don’t you dare say you were not scared or that you wanted to find solutions to those road blocks, that is a lie, and we both know it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i should have listened to you when you retreated the first time and i should have left it alone, i should have known i would only bring you hurt. but i am selfish too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i’m sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
you should know, not a day goes by that i don’t think of you. you’re still the first person i think of when i wake up, and the last i think of before i fall asleep. i love you and i think i have from the moment we met, and i suspect i always will. but none of that matters any more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i never imagined ours to be a tragedy, this story was not supposed to end like this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
–<\/p>\n\n\n\n
have a very good night, and a very sleep tight. i hope you have beautiful dreams, even if you don’t remember them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
you’re so selfish. a peculiar kind of selfish wrapped in the most beautiful of selfless wrappers. you’ve perfected your craft into art almost, it is enchanting, it is admirable, it is pitiable, it inspires awe. with great intention, it transforms your worldly appearance into a form so wildly different than your truth that no one … Continue reading all i want to hear is your voice<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-889","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sad","category-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/889","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=889"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/889\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":890,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/889\/revisions\/890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=889"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=889"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=889"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}