i guess it’s my turn to feel like an idiot. what did i think would happen? dammit. i told you from the very beginning that this was not fair for you. right from the start. i told you all the reasons. i told you how i was no good. i told you all of the insurmountable roadblocks. the problems. the red flags.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
but you said they were just complications not problems. you said that you were not afraid of them. and i believed you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i told you what i wanted. what i needed. what i yearned for. i told you why i was turning my life upside down. i told you why i needed to start everything over. and i told you i saw the spark of what i wanted and needed in you, in us, and you didn’t object. you didn’t deny it. you didn’t stop me. not that it’s your job to manage how i feel, but you could have told me that it wasn’t you, or that you didn’t want it to be you, or that you were not ready for it to be you, or that you couldn’t let it be you. but you didn’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i think you’ve known for a long time what will happen next. i think you’ve already made up your mind and you are too scared to say it because you know that it will change things between us. the energy will change and you won’t be able to have control over that. you said once before that you’ve had similar relationships where towards the end you felt like you were discarded because the other person got what they wanted from you and then moved on, and you’re afraid of this happening here… but is that really what happened? or did you have a similar relationship where you had to make a similar choice and you didn’t choose them, and so they let you go. they stopped expending the same energy on you. they moved on to find what they were looking for… leaving you feeling discarded… even though you<\/em> chose that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n i don’t know… deep down i’m still holding on to hope. i told you i would, even if you didn’t choose me. i am weak like that. i am hoping that i am worth the risk. i am hoping that you realize i am being completely honest with you. i am hoping you can see the good i want for you and the happiness i want to bring you. i am hoping you see i am worth the effort and decide to take that chance. i know it’s a lot to ask. i know it’s too much to ask even. and i know you should say no. i know i don’t deserve what i am asking for. i don’t deserve a second chance. i don’t deserve that kind of happiness. i don’t deserve you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" i guess it’s my turn to feel like an idiot. what did i think would happen? dammit. i told you from the very beginning that this was not fair for you. right from the start. i told you all the reasons. i told you how i was no good. i told you all of the … Continue reading my turn<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-850","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sad","category-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/850","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=850"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/850\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":851,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/850\/revisions\/851"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=850"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=850"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=850"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}