{"id":533,"date":"2024-10-19T07:40:23","date_gmt":"2024-10-19T11:40:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dickitysix.com\/?p=533"},"modified":"2024-10-19T13:10:08","modified_gmt":"2024-10-19T17:10:08","slug":"thats-not-fair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/?p=533","title":{"rendered":"that’s not fair"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

i don\u2019t know why it\u2019s always like this. sometimes, just sometimes<\/em>, i want to be the one who gets to be mad. i want to be the one who gets to throw my hands up, say \u201care you fucking kidding me?\u201d, or even just\u2026 vent. instead, she gets upset first, and then all of my frustration just gets swallowed up. gone. poof. because when she\u2019s upset, i have to be the calm one. the \u201csupportive\u201d one. and if not, i am the enemy, the bad guy, the unreasonable one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

like yesterday. she borrowed my car to run errands because hers was in the shop after she once again kind of ignored necessary maintenance…. issues i busted my ass trying to fix the night before and ended up breaking some of my own tools trying to fix, then moving heaven and earth the next morning and twisting my mechanic’s arm to fit me in for an emergency appointment the same day to help make the car safe again. anyhow, while she’s out, i get a phone call, she’s hysterical because she wasn’t paying attention and smashed the front of my car into a curb and broke part of the bumper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201ci didn\u2019t see the curb. your car is too low. it wasn’t my fault.\u201d and then, before i can even say anything, she’s crying her eyes out. and i say phone call, but it wasn’t a phone call, it was a video face time… what the fuck. her<\/em> upset face is already in full effect, and now i\u2019m stuck. i can\u2019t even be angry, because if i show even a flicker of frustration, i am the bad guy. so what do i do? i say, \u201cit\u2019s fine, don\u2019t worry about it. it\u2019s just a car.\u201d but inside? inside, i\u2019m boiling. why am i now comforting her<\/em> for breaking my<\/em> car? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

i wanted to be the one to be mad. i wanted to be able to say, \u201care you serious?\u201d but no. now, it\u2019s all about her feelings. i have to reassure her that i\u2019m not upset, even though i am<\/em>, because she\u2019s already cornered the market on emotional real estate. the minute she got upset, my frustration didn\u2019t matter anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

and this isn\u2019t just about the car. it\u2019s about every time something like this happens. it\u2019s like i\u2019m not allowed to have my own reaction. the second she\u2019s upset, my feelings have to be put on hold so i can take care of hers. i have to be the steady one, the calm one, even though i\u2019m the one standing there with a busted bumper. and when i do try to express that i\u2019m frustrated? she gets even more upset, more defensive, more adversarial, and then it spirals into this whole thing where ultimately i end up comforting her for making me mad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

it\u2019s exhausting. it\u2019s like i\u2019m constantly stuck in this role where i\u2019m supposed to keep the peace, even when i have every right to be pissed off. and don\u2019t get me wrong, i\u2019m not trying to be a jerk about it. i\u2019m not out here looking to start a fight. but would it kill her to just let me be mad for once? to let me ‘win’ this stupid emotional game? to acknowledge, \u201cyeah, i messed up, and it\u2019s okay if you\u2019re angry about it\u201d? instead, i feel like i\u2019m choking down my own feelings just to avoid making hers worse every. single. time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

marriage is supposed to be about supporting each other, right? but who\u2019s supporting me when i\u2019m the one frustrated? why do i always have to be the one who swallows my feelings so hers can take center stage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

it\u2019s so<\/em> frustrating to always feel like i\u2019m on the back burner, emotionally speaking. i don\u2019t want to feel like i\u2019m choosing between being a good partner and being an actual person with actual feelings. i just want to be allowed to be upset when something like this happens, without it turning into me managing her reaction or having to walk on eggshells.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

i don\u2019t know why it\u2019s always like this. sometimes, just sometimes, i want to be the one who gets to be mad. i want to be the one who gets to throw my hands up, say \u201care you fucking kidding me?\u201d, or even just\u2026 vent. instead, she gets upset first, and then all of my … Continue reading that’s not fair<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-533","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sad"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=533"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":538,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/533\/revisions\/538"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nocarrier.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}